✰⋆Lights. Camera. Distraction✰⋆
Internet sleuthing, John Mayer toys with my emotions and Pam Anderson is the definition of effulgent (look it up!)
There’s something intrinsically 90s about writing whatever you needed to-quite often desperately, out of boredom or circumstance on anything or anyone within reaching distance.
Our bodies, our converse our lockers were our composition notebooks. We used people, places, or things as a conduit for our messages. We were live journaling and broadcasting our pain and discontent before the internet had fully formed.
Semi-Zygote stage message board in full effect.
He wrote his number on my hand. That meant something,
Paper could get lost.
The cloud is a lie.
But tangible things. Those feel more reassuring.
More permanent than selecting “save as.“
I scribbled the above sentiment after listening to Rob Harvilla’s podcast (Hi, Rob♡) featuring “Doll Parts.” Courtney Love’s genesis of writing the song reminded me how much of a “thing” writing on each other was. Maybe we should bring it back?
How’s it hangin?
The first part of the year always feels like it’s trying to figure itself out.
Like when you’d get stuck with the shitty bumper car at the beach. You know the one that sputters to start and then lurches forward and starts spinning around and around, and your dad (well, my dad) is getting real pissed.
“Christ- turn the wheel! Go faster!” OMG, Dad, I’m 4, and I’m trying.
There’s hope there, a lot, right, but dreary qualities too, and for a grunge-loving lady, oddly dreary and gray- ain’t my vibe.
Aside from my birthday (which was pretty rad), from this point on will require a background check for attendance.
Anyway, I’ve got some internet gems, podcasts, and documentary recs to explore at your leisure.
First Up: “I have a theory….”
The internet brings me a specific kind of joy- particularly when people get upset. It’s happened as of late on Reddit while I lurk as individuals haphazardly hypothesize a quadruple homicide…
Let me be clear that’s what Reddit and messages boards are for; I’m all for discourse, and I love a debate! Should’ve been a lawyer, my boyfriends tell me. Well,
“I should’ve been a great many things.” -NAME THAT 90s movie!
Here are a few of my favorites from the last few weeks:
Crimes of Fashion: The suspect’s search warrant indicated receipts for purchases, causing Reddit to have its version of Fashion Emergency (if ya know, ya know!)
Next up is the grammar police-my fav!
Anywho! While Reddit was theorizing………
Wyatt & I uncovered the blueprint for the Moscow Murders through 90s Cinema.
I’ll keep Wyatt & I’s hypothesis concise because aside from the nauseating depravity of this crime, there is much we intentionally and rightfully still don’t know.
Within the initial 48-72 hours that it was reported, my 90s, spidey senses were already tingling. I said this crime had a heinous “performative” quality from the jump. The kind that perpetrators design to inflict for impact on a much larger scale. It seeks to command attention-the intent is to send a message, just like the Columbine Massacre of 1999.
It started with the mention of a “Fixed Blade Hunting Knife” I remember turning to Wyatt and, through telepathy (our preferred medium), we both thought.
“Ghostface’s knife in Scream?”
I won’t wax on about all of our detail theories, but; if you wish to venture down this rabbit hole; you will need to view these three films:
Scream 2
CopyCat
Murder By Numbers-Ok technically a 2002 release, but it applies.
Oh-and read the Affidavit backward. Do, with this information, what you will.
John Mayer stole my dream date idea.
Before the holidays, I listened to John Mayer on Call Her Daddy because;
A. I like to upset myself
B. I Can appreciate a calculated move when I see one *cough cough* Spotify.
C. I am always down for an apology tour.
Mayer is a pain in the ass.
BUT an incredibly talented musician and, in MY opinion, an even better songwriter.
Anyway, of course, I ended up finding good old John endearing as heck.
I was leary for the first 15/20 minutes; it wasn’t until he started talking about his ideal date that I was like…..
This mofo stole my fantasy date idea-but, I always knew I was onto something.
Just listen to it. You’ll like it.
Pamela Anderson plucks “Scandinavian Blonde” from the drugstore shelf, and I thought, “Hell, yeah.”
If you haven’t had a chance to watch, Pamela Anderson’s A Love Story on Netflix-I’m telling you, it’s incredible.
Her eldest son Brandon Lee produced it; Pamela’s story is told through the honest, painful, and loving lens of a son who arguably witnessed firsthand the reality of what his mother endured behind the headlines.
It made me think about many things; before the release of Netflix’s series Pam & Tommy, Courtney Love commented that this was another way of retraumatizing Pamela. When I watched the Netflix series, I thought, at the time, it was an eye-opening portrayal of what the couple may have endured (creative liberties assumed). I thought it had been a positive depiction of the pain that engulfed her life at the time.
But now, through Pamela’s words throughout the Netflix documentary (she has journaled her entire existence since she was very young)
I see now through this documentary how defiantly she never wanted any depiction where she was a victim.
She is defiant that she is not a victim and never wanted that sort of label.
I can understand why her sons and those close to her wished for a portrayal that depicted just how mighty Pam is. And she is. Some things that stood out to me;
She existed deeply within an imaginary world from a young age, designed with all the creativity that teemed within her. I thought, wow, that’s the first time anyone has adequately described and portrayed that door to a life where you could escape.
An imaginary world I curated and knew from a young age as well.
This made me wonder; what came first for Pam and anyone who’s experienced trauma at a young age.
The creative mind or the trauma that inevitably forces you deep into it, so it enacts as a shield?
Happy Valentines Day, my beloved 90s devotees
XOXO,
April