Halloween 2022 Recap: McDonald's Iconic Pail Release Threatened to Inspire It's own Insurrection
If I did not get the Boo Bucket of my choosing!!!
Looking at this 80s Halloween costume, I am overcome with several thoughts:
This costume was incredibly flammable.
This JEM mask is TRULY terrifying…….see what I did there. Imagine a rogue cigarette ash-just ever so gently grazing plastic ensemble.
It could’ve lit my cherubic buns up like a Christmas tree.
Truthfully, isn’t that what we all kind of dug about being a wee one in the 80s:
Parents/kids sure as hell didn’t know any better, and guess what….we kinda didn’t care to. Didn’t give a rip. Miss it.
Staring deeper at this image-the vacant eye sockets are oddly hypnotizing….
I am AGAIN overcome with the nostalgic smell of overly ripe plastic. The kind that would literally burn your eyes as you gingerly walked within 10 feet of a Payless
For those younger than a fossil, what I’m describing is akin to opening a large order of SHEIN multiplied by, I don’t know…a trillion?
For the record, I LOVE SHEIN and hope to be sponsored one day.
I can literally feel my 5-year-old Pop-Tart-laced breath beating against this poorly ventilated mask.
Let’s take a minute to truly look at this mask.
How would you think to describe this depiction of the artist formerly and forever known as JEM?
Monstrosity? Maybe too severe.
Rude?
Yeah, let’s go with the RUDE.
Back to my labored breathing, which resembled a growl because, let’s be real, these masks didn’t come with any REAL ventilation; they were purely for aesthetic purposes, which feels like an even bigger diss to JEM.
As each door opened on Halloween night, I like to think I startled/scared the shit out of whoever answered.
I’m sure I sounded very much like 90-year-old suffering from emphysema.
Back then, you didn’t even need to say “Trick or Treat.”
Basically, I’d present my pillowcase or industrial-strength trashbag and grunt.
Which translates to “Gimmie.”
Pillowcase, you may be wondering? YES. I was/am a professional in all things food retrieval. You’d never catch a pillow case breaking down on these hallowed Vienna streets)
Yes, Vienna was hands down the best for trick or treating.
Did the houses give the best candy? Hell no. There was a dentist who gave out a toothbrush every year. Now that’s some serious shade for the 80s.
Were the decorations elaborate and memorizing? I mean-meh?
The thing about trick-or-treating in Vienna in the late 80’s/early 90s is that it could have doubled as the set of MY SO-CALLED LIFE.
And what I mean by that is; fall leaves lining the side walks, strategically placed street lights that were either always out or could only offer the faintest flicker.
Basically Jared Leto could’ve jumped out from behind a bush
Vienna back then was a MOOD
Also, what lead to the charm of Halloween’s spent in Vienna is the fact that my BFF and I were definitely almost kidnapped on multiple occasions.
Do you have cats and want to invite us in to hang out? Sure, why the hell not?
One Halloween, a woman we were convinced hated us and was most definitely a witch (mainly because she like to scream and call us little bitches year round when we were 7). She suprised us by inviting us inside one year.
Maybe a cursory glance back to my BFF’s dad for reassurance was given?
I can picture him raising that conspicuous thermos as if to say:
“Knock yourself out! I’m enjoying everyone’s wife fawning over me for doing the absolute bareminimum as a parent.”
Years later I would learn that it was most definitely not coffee in that thermos.
Back to the mean old lady:
She offered up these crusty-powered sugared balls on a saucer, with I’m not exaggerating green jelly coming out the sides?!Best description you've ever read, huh?
If the homemade treats would’ve looked more appealing, we might not have had the good sense to book it for the door.
Once safe from the clutches of the neighborhood witch, I’d be whipping off that mask, letting that balmy October air hit my face.
I can hear my best friend‘s dad now; ordering us to “Pick up the pace, ladies!”
Update:
I did infact secure a Boo Bucket-not the one of my choosing but none the less
XOXO
April