Gen Z's latest offenses: nasal spray tans and plagiarizing 90s haircuts

Pop some popcorn while I school a Tick-Tok "celeb" on the Twitter

Is something going on with the planets? Like, seriously.

I couldn’t sleep at all the last few nights.

Woke up at 3 am craving Kettle Cooked Potato Chips (please sponsor the podcast) and proceeded to eat them in bed (to Wyatt’s horror/disgust) while trying to find an astrological sub-Reddit group explaining which planets are circling the wrong way inducing my insomnia/possible depression.

So yeah, I’m in a bit of a mood. I do have some serious journalism heading your way later this weekend but FIRST

I NEED to get some stuff off my chest about Gen Z.

When I started writing earlier in the week, it was all a bit tongue in cheek since I am VERY aware that every generation takes the opportunity at some point to look their nose down at the generation behind/before them? And pass copious often unfair amounts of judgment.

But did you know that Gen Zers are talking mad shit about us on the internet?!

Carolina, you just got added to the list.

WOW Zoie.

Learn to at least capitalize the first letter of the imaginary person’s name you want to roast Peach!!!!!

By us I mean Millenials, Boomer’s anyone that’s above the age of 25-is considered “gross”.

WTF.

This excerpt from the Guardian really set me off:

“Those aged under 25 no longer want to be compared to millennials and have been vocal about it on social media for some time. In March, TikTok celebrity Isabella Avila posted a video complaining about being confused with Facebook-using, avocado-toast-loving millennials.”

“Just because you’re so old you can’t remember the difference, doesn’t mean it’s OK to lump us all together,” she said.

FIRST OFF. WHO THE HELL IS ON FACEBOOK.

AND WHO IS THIS TICK-TOK DWEEB ISABELLA AVILA?

She doesn’t deserve a freakin google from me but she WILL be getting a very salty, well-thought-out tweet later today. You might need a thesaurus for it, Avila. Ya know, that thing people use for “big words”.

That’s right, the gloves are OFF. What was intended as a light-hearted post is about to get REAL.

Ring Ring Avila! Pick up the landline phone (I realize you may have never seen this prehistoric artifact before). It’s for your lame ass.

I’m sorry you assume that all Millenials are into “Harry Potter” and “Avocado Toast”.

Um, news flash, I have always found Harry Potter to be whack as hell, and surprise I can’t eat avocado toast because it hurts my tummy.

Also, why are Gen Z’s doling out advice and opinions on anything?

Y'all are out here SNIFFING SPRAY TAN without a care in the world!

I mean, I’m not saying I’m not willing to try this once all the medical research pans out but have a little self-reflection Gen Z. I’m sorry I’ll stop using words from the 90s to prevent further confusion.

Before I read such hurtful remarks I was willing to let this, nasal spray gate-in particular, slide.

I mean 90s teens, millennials we all got clowned for sniffing/huffing all kinds of dumb shit. Seems like a generational right of passage.

Just a little after-school fun in the 90s after we got home from SACC.

Footnote: SACC was a program from the 90s that provided a safe and fun environment before and after school for elementary school-age students and allowed me to eat all the pb&J wanted.

But, I can’t keep quiet about things I love being destroyed/poorly renamed. I’m sure you’ve seen the headlines touting:

“2022’s most iconic haircut The Butterfly” As one media outlet so astutely described it:

“lots and lots of layers, so you can have the illusion of shorter hair”

UM, YOU MEAN “THE RACHEL” OR A VOLUMINOUS 90S BLOWOUT?!!

Probably the most well-known haircut across all generations.

You don’t get to talk shit about us Gen Z and then rip off beautiful things OUR GENERATION created.

Ok, that’s all for now.

I’m going to enjoy a nice aperitif with Pam and try to calm down.

XO

April