90s PTSD: Brought to you by Anti-Drug campaign's💊 required reading, and your crushes cryptic Away Messages🔮🪄✨
I’ll never forget this commercial because it scared the absolute shit out of me.
I cataloged a few things from this commercial way back when:
This teenager is not doing his homework like he’s supposed to.
He looks kinda sad sitting on his bed-did he ha bad day? He looks like he’s into music and not sports (smart kid), but I’ve “heard” that music can talk about drugs
*At this point, mind you-I pretty much knew all the words to The Guess Who’s “No Sugar Tonight” and “Hotel California.”
The dad is super pissed because he’s lazy, and he found a BOX OF DRUGS.
*by now, my anxiety is hella spiked*
I’m basically sweating into my 7th PB&J sandwich of the day. My mind is racing-where did the dad find this BOX OF DRUGS? The Bathroom, maybe-his backpack?! No way he wouldn’t bring drugs to school….
I’ll never forget peering into that BOX with one eye open.
WHAT IS IN THERE-are those pills? Why are there weird bags? ARE THOSE NEEDLES?!
Then like an M Night Shyamalan plot twist, the kid says;
“I learned it by watching you!”
My little brain basically exploded.
This commercial is touted as an 80’s Anti Drug campaign commercial-and though it swears it was 90-91ish-I can concede it being the LATE 80’s.
Hey everyone! It’s been a minute or two, but I’m happy you are here.
We’ve got a lot to catch up on so let’s get to it!
90s Nostalgia has been at an all-time high the last few weeks!
Firing on all fucking cylinders-just the way I like it.
Megan Fox reminded us all how the power of a well-placed/shady lyric-never dies
Exhibit A:
"You can taste the dishonesty/it's all over your breath,"
This now-deleted post included a video of what appears to be a letter and other belongings in a fire?
AMAZING.
Kind of like that classic Friends episode where they burn a bunch of the ex’s stuff in a trash can-that happened, right? I enjoy when elements of witchy poo ala “The Craft” is involved.
DIG IT. Maybe he was annoying that day-who cares?!
Is Instagram taking a nostalgic cue from Away Messages with this thing called“notes”?
Truthfully I didn’t know what the heck that was or why I saw someone gardening or running to the store.
Like many things, I continue to be confused-is this a message for me? Should I be responding? Or is it like my affinity for decorating my door with sticky notes because I get busy girl-bossing?
Or am I being transported back to 2013 when I felt an insistently annoying urge/compulsion to alert everyone on Facebook whenever I was out for a run?!
God, IF I want to send myself into an intense spiral or throw up-Facebook reminders do the trick.
Anyway, back to emo/passive-aggressive “lite” AIM messages. Did anyone ever get confronted by their friends in high school about their Away Messages?
“Yo, what’s up with the Sarah McLaughlin quotes-did you (insert culprit’s name here) break up again?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about, man. I like that song.”
We were pioneers of gaslighting our exes and friends in the late 90s and early 2000s and didn’t even realize it!
Who could have predicted “Gaslighting” would become one of the most misused catch-all phrases starting 2020ish and beyond
The progression of your AIM-away message could be your calling card in college, almost like a signature scent.
If my AIM messages had to be summed up, I believe
“Enigmatic/Aggressive Shade” sounds appropriate.
And if it were a fragrance, it would smell like Alize, Newports, and Coco Butter.
Next Up: FASHION
dELiA*s latest capsule collection makes me want to reenact Lilith Fair on my deck WHILE attempting to play pizza party with Wyatt
And who are we pizza partying with, you may ask?!
*DRUM ROLL PLEASE* Or a fun ting from this little fella
Brace yourself; The latest American Girl Dolls are FROM 1999
Meet Isabel (left-knee socks, Cher Horowitz-esque inspired) & Sk8ter babe Nicki!
I’ll be taking some creative liberties with these girls’ backstories. My apologies American Girl. I’m sure you’re ok looking past it; Cough, Cough, Felicity.
My shallow hot take: Nicki’s that uber-cool skater girl. The kind I like really, really wanted to be. The type of gal who could rock an oversized hoodie from Pacific Sunwear like nobody’s business. The fact that this gal could rock non-form-fitting clothing meant she probably had a great rack. It’s a look that says;
“I’m just one of the guys, but sure, they all probably want to bang me.”
Very lais·sez-faire……VERY European-which brings us to Isabel!
Rocking that beret-ooo lala style
I can see Nicki and Isabel’s friendship blossoming over a night of AOL Chat group hopping. Turning to each other in slow motion to say
“These boys are SO lame. Let’s go watch Foxfire for the 94580384059 time.”
KIDDING! A great person once said (it was me)
“People who believe romantic love is the only kind worth having are boring AF.”
It’s the 90s; for Christ's sake, let’s live a little!
MORE 90S PTSD IS COMING YOUR WAY SHORTLY 💊 💊 💊 💊
